Wednesday, June 11, 2014

#Excerpt from THE THREE SISTERS by Bryan Taylor #AmReading #Humor #Satire

 “Tony,” cried Regina, “Where’s Sister Carla?”
“She’s walking around in the back,” he replied, pointing with his head as Regina looked inside to see their pet penguin looking up at her. Regina gave a sigh of relief to hear Sister Carla’s honk.
“I thought we’d lost Sister Carla for sure. Thank God she didn’t run away.”
When the town’s sheriff had arrested the three sisters for trespassing on the property of the Second First Baptist Church of Lewisville two days before, Sister Carla had escaped the forces of the law and was waiting outside when Tony returned to the deserted church with their order from the fast food restaurant down the road. Not knowing where the three sisters were, and too afraid to inquire among the town’s residents about his traveling companions, Tony had only discovered what had happened to the three when he visited a local bar where a drunk Deputy Sauras had bragged about the arrests to his drinking buddies.
“Did you feed her, Tony?” asked Regina, which rhymes with China.
“Of course.”
“You better have,” she warned him. “We really shouldn’t have brought her on a long trip like this. I know she’d rather be back in Washington with the other penguins, but I do love having her around.”
“Where’d the hearse come from?” asked Regina with a long eye. “Wow, just think of all the fun we can have in there,” Regina added, her imagination already running wild with the possibilities of driving across America in a roomy hearse. “Just like Harold and Maude.”
“Before you get too excited, you ought to know that Tony stole the Hearse,” K informed Regina just as she saw two older men sitting on a bench get up and begin walking toward them. Coito, conscious of the attention they were getting, was preparing to go inside to see what was delaying Theodora.
“From a funeral home?” asked Regina, uninterested in the people who were watching her.
“No, I think a band of gypsies owned it,” said Tony, “because while I was killing time until I was supposed to meet you three here at four, like K told me to do, I went to a 7-Eleven where all these gypsies were roaming around trying to shoplift or hold the store up or something and that was where I took it, so naturally….”

Nuns just want to have fun! But when three former Catholic nuns have too much fun and get in trouble with the law, they become nuns on the run.
Driving back to Washington D.C. where they work at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Parts, the three sisters are arrested in Tennessee. After defeating the local deputy in strip poker, they escape from jail, and are pursued by the zealous Detective Schmuck Hole, who has personally offered a $10,000 reward for their capture on The 700 Club. Little do they know that when the three sisters visit the Washington Monument, their lives will change forever.
Set in 1979, The Three Sisters is a sacrilegious satire that skewers not only organized religion, but the government, the media, intellectuals, corporate greed and every other part of the establishment. Maybe not the greatest story ever told, but possibly the funniest.
Buy @ Amazon
Genre – Humor, Satire, Catholicism, Politics
Rating – R
More details about the author
Connect with Bryan Taylor on Facebook

Rainy Kaye & an #Excerpt from SUMMONED @rainyofthedark #Paranormal #AmReading

“So, what’s your name?” I sit straight in my chair, hoping I don’t look too intoxicated.
Which I am, of course. Probably a good idea to lay off the alcohol for a bit.
“Syd.” Her phone buzzes, and she picks it back up.
Her nails are painted different colors and designs. A small black star is tattooed on the knuckle of her ring finger. Wonder if she would let me play scavenger hunt for the rest of the ink on her body. I promise to be thorough.
She frowns at her phone.
“Stood up?”
“Yeah. Hey, look, I’m gonna go pay for my drink and head out.” She reaches down for her purse as she stands.
I sit forward. “Why? Where you gonna go?”
She shrugs one shoulder, her gaze scanning the bar and her frown deepening. “A club, probably.”
“People still go to those?” I shake my head.
She lowers her gaze to me. “Well, people who can’t stand all the excitement here, I guess.”
I laugh. “Okay, fair enough. Finish your coke first?”
She glances at her drink, then settles into her chair again.
“I’m Dimitri.” I lean back and continue to ignore my drink. “And, for the record, I rarely come here. Just glad someone else who doesn’t have great-grandchildren found their way to this crap hole.”
Her expression and shoulders relax. She takes a drink. “Dimitri. That’s Russian, right?”
“Nah, Greek. I think.”
“You’re Greek?”
“Not that I’m aware of.” I give in and chug my rum and coke.
“Ah, well, my family is Irish and some Arabic,” she says.
Comparing ancestry reports is not what I have in mind.
She continues. “So, what do you do for a living?”
“Private armed security,” I say. My usual ansawer. It’s not entirely dishonest, and it also helps explain my arsenal if a woman happens to see it between the front door and bedroom. I try to guide the conversation back in the right direction. “You live in Phoenix or just passing through?”
“Live here,” she says.
Damn. Tourists are easier to convince into a wild night.
She glances at her phone and frowns again. She isn’t impressed with me whatsoever. I probably should just let her go, but I only have twenty-four hours to catch and release.
And now parts of me are riled up. I really would like to find the rest of her tattoos.
Might as well go all-in.
“Yeah, I live here too,” I say, “and I think it’s very important to know thy neighbor.”
She sizes me up. “Don’t you mean, ‘love thy neighbor’?”
I smile at her. “I’m willing if you are.”
Her eyes glint as she leans forward. “Oh, thank god. I thought we were going to talk about our family history all night or some shit.”
And just like that, it is time to go tattoo hunting.

Twenty-three year old Dimitri has to do what he is told—literally. Controlled by a paranormal bond, he is forced to use his wits to fulfill unlimited deadly wishes made by multimillionaire Karl Walker.
Dimitri has no idea how his family line became trapped in the genie bond. He just knows resisting has never ended well. When he meets Syd—assertive, sexy, intelligent Syd—he becomes determined to make her his own. Except Karl has ensured Dimitri can’t tell anyone about the bond, and Syd isn’t the type to tolerate secrets.
Then Karl starts sending him away on back-to-back wishes. Unable to balance love and lies, Dimitri sets out to uncover Karl’s ultimate plan and put it to an end. But doing so forces him to confront the one wish he never saw coming—the wish that will destroy him.
Summoned is represented by Rossano Trentin of TZLA.
Author Bio
Rainy Kaye is an aspiring overlord. In the mean time, she blogs at <a href=http://www.rainyofthedark.com>RainyoftheDark.com</a> and writes paranormal novels from her lair somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona. When not plotting world domination, she enjoys getting lost around the globe, studying music so she can sing along with symphonic metal bands, and becoming distracted by Twitter (@rainyofthedark).
Grab a Sidebar badge for your blog & Support Rainy Kaye’s SUMMONED:http://www.rainyofthedark.com/summoned-images/
More ways to connect with Rainy Kaye 
********
Cover Design: Kris Wagner https://www.facebook.com/digitalgunman
Model: Adam Jakubowski https://www.facebook.com/LadyJakubowsky
Photographer:  Marcin RychÅ‚y https://www.facebook.com/karrdepl